In the card game Anomia, the goal is to win a series of harmless duels where we name something random – but mildly relevant – faster than our opponent. For example, two players turn over a card that tells them to name a famous chef. You can name literally anything that fits that category – Gordon Ramsay, Chef Boyardee, Remy from Ratatouille. You win by naming something first, and with confidence.
It’s much harder than you think. The name of the game – Anomia – refers to the inability to name obvious things when put on the spot. In game play the adrenaline rush of the “duel” floods the player’s brain and keeps them from coming up with something simple and obvious.
Simply put, the first person to overcome their adrenaline and get to an answer is the winner.
The skills of quick thinking and mental discipline are hallmarks of debate champions, but they are not the same thing as substantive dialogue. In the wake of the shooting death of conservative activist Charlie Kirk – which is nothing short of a tragedy – I fear that too many are confusing his style of debate with the kind of dialogue and deep listening that transform hearts.
In the maelstrom of grief and anger and positioning of the past week, we can see that we need something far more than debaters: we need meaningful conversation, and hearts that change, around the issues that matter.
In the maelstrom of grief and anger and positioning of the past week, we can see that we need something far more than debaters: we need meaningful conversation, and hearts that change, around the issues that matter.
Kirk’s death is a national tragedy. I say that not as someone who shares his ideas or his style of engagement, but as someone who feels the pain and loss of the moment. It’s a tragedy because Kirk is a human being, beloved of God, who has been taken from his family by an act of horrific violence. It’s a tragedy because once again we as a people have let someone with no capacity for disagreement speak for all of us, definitively and dangerously. It’s a tragedy because we’re all more wary now of speaking our minds, for fear of violence, and for fear of the kinds of reprisal that can cost our reputation or our livelihoods.
Yet it’s also a tragedy because, if we’re not careful, this terrible act of violence will narrow our capacity for speech that is generative and Godly. Deep, soul-transforming dialogue is a holy thing that takes commitment and time and trust. It is not the same thing as arguing a position, which can be as much about winning than it is about building or healing.
We’re seeing that the game of “winning” sets up a game where everybody loses.
The Very Rev. Bernard J. Owens, Dean
This week’s Dean’s Corner is an excerpt of a longer post found on BJ’s blog, Cathedral of the Heart. Read the full post.